What are your first thoughts and/or feelings when you hear the word “boundaries?” For most people, that word appears to stir up some form of fear and dread. Boundaries are complex, and as a result, they are challenging to learn, even before you add in the stress of your real-life situation or conflict.
One of the complexities of boundaries that is most often overlooked is the dimension of possibility. In other words, what is the potential good thing that you hope to gain after this boundary goes into effect? We will explore the possibility of experiencing gratitude in our understanding of boundaries, in hopes that you feel empowered and encouraged in your boundary setting. Where there is more empowerment and encouragement, there is less fear and/or dread.
Piper’s story: A lesson in boundary-setting
Little Piper is the newest addition to my family. She is a smart and energetic Black lab/Border Collie puppy, now eight months old. Of course, she is absolutely adorable, and I’m grateful for all the joy and laughter Piper brings to our family.
Piper is going to be a great dog someday. Yet, there are some days when living with a puppy is challenging. The days when she is testing the limits, it’s hard to not grow weary. Sometimes I get frustrated with her. Other days, I get frustrated with myself and my lack of knowing how to train her. There are the days when she makes me late because she doesn’t want to listen, and times when I freak out on the inside when she manages to get out of the house without a leash. Oh, and for those of you who haven’t been around a puppy in a while, allow me to remind you how sharp those little puppy teeth are, and how much puppies attempt to chew on everything. Did I mention the digging? Grrr!
All that to say, the past few months I have been challenged with the task of maintaining boundaries with Piper so that she can grow into a well-mannered dog that other people can enjoy and love as much as my family loves her. That is the possibility we are striving for as we train Piper. It takes a great deal of perseverance and emotional energy to maintain boundaries, especially when the other (in my case Piper) isn’t cooperating nor shares my vision for her. Perhaps this reminds you of someone in your life.
Establishing boundaries through the lens of gratitude
As you consider your current situation, or a future situation in which you might benefit from a boundary, I’d encourage you to view possible boundaries through the lens of gratitude.
- What are possible outcomes of this boundary?
- What are the good things that you’re hoping to gain as a result of this possible boundary?
- What good things do you need in the midst of your current challenge or heartache?
- Do you need more peace? Do you need to come out of the situation with your sanity intact?
- How about freedom to live out of your own values and priorities?
- As you consider possible boundaries, what would you like to be grateful for in the end?
Finding strength in gratitude: Maintaining boundaries
It’s easy to grow weary because maintaining boundaries can take such perseverance and emotional energy. Oftentimes, people haven’t been taught to look past the current struggle and look for the possibility beyond the boundary. What can you do to remind yourself in those hard moments of the good things you are fighting for in your life? What can you do to remind yourself of what you want to be grateful for in the future as you maintain a boundary in hope?
Don’t give up
Establishing and maintaining boundaries isn’t always fun or easy. There will be times along the way that you will fight the urge to give up. Or you will question your capacity to follow through consistently after the end of a long day. Remind yourself of the person you are becoming. The life you want to build will take intentionality and courage, and won’t just happen overnight. Can you pause at the end of the day and be grateful for your efforts and your ability to live out your boundaries?
When it comes to boundaries, gratitude isn’t just for the moment when you cross the finish line. Gratitude can be the daily practice that keeps you moving forward on the path, helping you to fight off the urge to give up. Practice being grateful for the character traits you are developing, or the support you have received, as you grow in your ability to establish and maintain healthy boundaries.
Most days it’s obvious that Piper is a gift to our family, and I’m grateful for her. On hard days, when I feel more frustrated than grateful, I can pause and remind myself of the progress we’ve made through patience and grace. I’m grateful for the friends who’ve shared training tips, and for my spouse who’s been there when I needed a break.
Gratitude isn’t just for the easy moments – it’s a daily practice that keeps me moving forward, one step closer to my goal of Piper becoming a well-mannered dog that others can enjoy. By embracing gratitude in the face of boundary-setting challenges, we unlock the power to transform struggles into opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment. Gratitude is a key that unlocks the part of our brain we need access to for creative problem-solving and being relational. This key can be used to help us unlock the life we envision by helping us to establish healthy boundaries as well as help us strengthen our ability to hold fast to our priorities and values.
Balancing body, mind and spirit: The art of grounding